Years ago, the Iratus Zingiber was often seen in South Croydon, frequenting Whitgift pool, the Amer Rani Indian Restaurant and the Crown and Sceptre pub, but in recent years sightings have fallen massively, primarily due to a destruction of its natural habitat, crap polo and Ironmen. However, the 19 th  of November saw a very rare sighting of the Zingiber  at Whitgift pool. The occasion was an alleged waterpolo game between South London's Finest (TM) and Eastern Otter. The we

A Very Serious Sporting Tale About a Not-At-All-Serious Narwhal You know a match has gone well when the opposition’s final words—shouted across the changing room—are: “WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR KEEPER FROM?!” Not “well played,” not “good match,” not even “what the hell was that?” Just pure bewilderment. Delicious. But to understand the legend of our keeper, we must swim back to the summer of 2019…   The Origin of the Broken Narwhal After taking an emotional and tactical batteri

We all enjoyed our last game of the season so much that we decided to bring a bit of festive flair to the final match report. Feel free to do the full song end to end, or just do the verse in descending order. Which ever way you decide to do it, it will be a waste of time. See you at the Christmas Party! (where we can sing it…?) For the last game of the season, the Narwhals gave to me… 12 - Narwhals swimming 11 - Orca Goals 10 - Misplaced passes 9 - Shots off the woodwork 8 -

Chancellor of the Exchequer Gary Bowen steps up to the dispatch box to deliver his annual club accounts. A bead of sweat trickles down his back. How’s he going to deliver the news? Sure, everyone is going to be worse off than him, but it just makes fiscal sense. The chaps at the golf club told him – swing the club now – before anyone gets any better ideas.   <Flash to earlier that day> What Gary doesn’t know is that Messers Finch and TJ Smith are on their work experience day