New Year, New Narwhals

Welcome, Narwhal’s fans, to 2026. It’s your Pul-shitzer award winning Captain here, bringing us into the new year with some New Year resolutions!

80% of new year resoltuons are given up by mid-February[1], often due to lack of willpower or unrealistic aims. The below are not unrealistic aims, so lets see how our willpower holds up.

We travelled down the a3 to Surrey Sports Park for an away fixture vs Guilford 2. A strong big squad of 12 Narwhals were available for our first game of the year.

1. Start games stronger

FAIL – 7-2 down at the end of the first. Not helped by half the team going for dinner and beers pre game

2. Someone catch Shute for the Narwhal Cup

FAIL – Finchy managed 3 but Shute has already gone 4 clear with 7. Not helped by Guilford letting him shoot freely from 6m in the last quarter, and 2 “ghost” goals from the refs

3. Get the match report in before the following match

FAIL – Submitted the day after the next game

4. Dry January

FAIL – those who didn’t crack at New Years Day pub lunch, or pre game, certainly failed afterwards at the depressing Holiday Inn bar

5. Someone else get some assists other than Gamble

FAIL – He didn’t even play but somehow still got all the assists?!

6. Don’t be shit

FAIL – this one was unrealistic…

Final score, 17-14 loss. Closer than it felt helped by somehow winning the 4th quarter 6-0.

Motm – Shute for goals goals goals

Moment – TJ somehow spinning his man and banging it in the top corner. No one really knows where it came from

Fluffer – RON. No one did anything particularly bad, just a general all round pile off rubbish.

Oh well, there’s always 2027.