Holah at the back, Geo in attack, Narwhals on their way to Wembleeeey!

When a couple of Narwhals get an opportunity to review a special toilet they take a shit. And what is more special than one of the most iconic football stadiums in the world? Add into this a massive semi and you’ve got the perfect set up.

There’s something about a stadium toilet that generates excitement. The roar of the crowd, the buzz in the bars, the pre match nibbles coming back to haunt.

As I enter, the noise and the buzz dims and I am greeted by a long black wall of cubicle doors. It’s imposing but impressive. I enjoy the white speckle effect whilst I wait.

Entering the cubicle I’m instantly disgusted. The home of football has the same problem as every other football stadium. There’s piss all over the floor. Piss all over the seat. The toilet roll dispenser was one of those awful pull from centre ones where you can never get more than a single sheet.

However, once I had cleaned up the experience improved. The distant hum of the crown, the beat of the drum, the impending semi. It was rather exhilarating.

Nothing more of note from that point, standard flush and washing facilities. Back to the bar for a whisky, onwards to the final, just like the mighty Narwhals in the Thameside cup.

Design – 8/10

Cleanliness – 0/10

Atmosphere – 10/10

Toilet Roll – 2/10

Flush – 7/10

Overall – 5/10 – a disappointment for such an iconic venue