WHO WANTS TO GET A BOOB JOB
Welcome to our first and only edition of who wants to get a boob job, I’m your host Matt "Mr. Finchy" Finch proud recipient of a hefty invest and to avoid the tax man I will be philanthropically giving 1 of the Narwhals DD tits if they are able to get the fluffer today in this match vs Guildford (not that TJ or Finch Jr need them). Once again, I am your host Mr. Finchy and today we will be seeing who in the Narwhals wants DD tits!
Guildford were keen to arrive early, unaware that they were all ineligible for a boob job. Narwhals with a solid 9 players (should’ve been 10 but unfortunately Zach didn’t have it in him to unleash Project Brown) were outnumbered in their own backyard and with most of them unfit (not from injury) it was going to be a rough match with plenty of boob job worthy moments.
The game began and instantly Mr. Finchy decided to unleash his inner beast and get sent out within 20 seconds (unaware he too was ineligible for his own boob job). Then with back-and-forth goals Narwhals were able to maintain a lead of 4-3 going into the quarter.
Now the A cup question. After going up 1 goal in the first quarter do the Narwhals?
A) Give up the lead
B) Unleash Zach to shit in the pool and call off the game
C) Not be shit
D) Go up more
For those who used their 50/50 on that question, you are an idiot its obviously not C or D. In the next quarter the lads got distracted by the promise of boob jobs and decided to discuss which cup they would get meanwhile let through a try-hard swimmer through to score another goal. We'll be back with more "WHO WANTS TO GET A BOOB JOB" after these messages
AD Break:
Before the break a sweaty swimmer swam through and scored on a sleeping Narwhals side. This caused Joe (the leech that I have not been mentioning) after receiving a pass from Matt to launch it top bins for a great goal, however this wasn’t enough and the narwhals went into the half at 7-7.
Now for the important half time B cup questionnaire. How long is this match report being written after the actual events?
A) 5 days
B) 2 weeks
C) 1 month
D) 84 days, 22 hours, and 25 minutes
The correct answer is D.
Now for the C cup questionnaire. What was TJ doing in that time?
A) Wanking
B) Gooning
C) Edging
D) Thinking about pretty girls
Correct!
Now despite that clarification I want to tell you that the events that you are about to witness are 100% true the absolute truth.
The 2nd half began Nick Shute caught the ball on his own 2-meter line, Mr. Finchy cleared the way, impregnating the entire oppo on Nick’s way to put the ball top corner, the crowd was stunned, flabbergasted and was in awe of this incredibly real display.
Then Guildford scored.
Then Guildford scored.
Then Guildford scored.
On an exclusion, Nick summoned his best friend in Blue Marlin trunks (Nick’s Best Friend) to perform an almost NBA-esque screen for Nick to spin his man, then make his way into the 2m line and fake the keeper to carefully place the ball into the net. The 10,000 spectators were in awe, Nick impressed the Pro Recco scouts with this play.
Then Guildford scored.
Then Ed Gamble had a massive wobble - his cheeks vibrated so fast that it split the pool like Moses. The ball then rolled into the goal. Millions unfortunately passed away in what is being dubbed Ed’s greatest Wobble.
Then Guildford scored.
The 4th quarter was unfortunately lost to time which is a shame given the accuracy of this match report thus far. At WT Narwhals we value transparency.
So for the DD question, who got the boob job?
A) Zach for not initiating code brown
B) Mr. Finchy for impregnating the entire oppo
C) Ed Wobble for causing millions of casualties
D) Nick for shitty 4th quarter shooting
For those playing at home the answer is D and Nicolas “Pussy eating” Shutworth will be given an all expenses paid trip to Turkey for his free DD tits. I hope you’ve all enjoyed the show tonight and thank you for watching, tune in whenever TJ stops wanking for the next instalment of …
WHO WANTS TO GET A BOOB JOB?
I forgot to mention that MOTM was Mr Finchy (would’ve been Joe but im not giving it to a dirty Leech)
Moment was Joe and Matts goal
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