*bang bang* CAM ON INGERLAND

Wednesday night sorted. England’s on, World cup Round of 32 against Dr. Congo. What more could you want? What do you mean Noni Madueke forgot to track his man in the 5th minute and we’re 1-0 down. This could be a long one.

England try to respond brightly but really can’t get up for it, Dr. Congo’s defensive display kept them at bay with few chances of note - their keeper standing up to anything vaguely on target. Pressure coming on but Dr. Congo kept threatening on the counter. Woodwork rattled; heads all over the place; cries to the referee ignored; England lucky to be in it at half time.

2nd half, a fresh start and Rashford finally shows some promise but can’t finish. Side netting rattling, no goal in sight. Dr. Congo doing a job that England could not break through. It took the introduction of Princess Diana lookalike Anthony Gordon to spark a comeback in England, finally getting the ball into Kane to header the equaliser from close range. 1-1, game on.

5 minutes left - high press finally starting to pay off - as Gordon win’s it in Dr. Congo’s third, gives it to Kane who wallops it into the top of the net. 2-1 England. Never in doubt.

What happened the rest of the evening is a bit of a blur to me… might come back later in the week.

Either way I have a Monday morning to stay up for to see England go to the Azteca - renown for being higher up than the ISS and for causing major fitness issues for all comers. We’d need a special performance to get a result here. It was not going to plan. The first 20 minutes were all over the place. The pace too high but Mexico couldn’t find a way through. Up until the Powerade sponsored hydration break, it looked like england were already out of it. 

Out of the scrambles came one man - Bellingham getting a quickfire double as England started to actually threaten offensively. Suddenly heart rates were high, pints were all over the place and it felt like there was some control in the game. That lasted for 5 minutes before Mexico clawed one back - scrappy, poor, yet inevitable. 2-1 at Half time, edge of the seat stuff.

Out came the teams for the 2nd half, with Mexico looking to up the pace again, catching out 4th choice right back Quansah on the break and giving Quansah the chance to break the winger’s leg in 2. Red Card, things going downhill for England. 

Then out of nowhere, up steps Diana from a Parisian tunnel, getting onto a ball through from Kane before the keeper and winning England a penalty. 3-1. Game over - surely Mexico can’t get back into this. 

Balls being belted into the box eternally - Kane’s fouled someone in the box. 3-2. Its getting spooky. Surely it can’t keep going on like this. 

It can. The balls coming in are relentless, the defence struggling until a light of salvation is seen at the sideline. The only thing higher up than the Azteca - Dan Burn’s forehead was spotted getting ready to come on. The gleam of angelic beauty dazzling off him would help sway Mexico’s relentless onslaught. Clear after clear, charge down after charge down. Mexico could not break him. After 100 minutes of gruesome, horrific, tiring football. The final whistle goes. England through to a world cup quarter final, the host’s out at home. Nothing can get better than this.

Unfortunately, we had to play Leeches in Tooting bec in 12 hours time. Coming off our loss last week at home (Thats what I was forgetting) we were not particularly enthusiastic. Leeches swimming hard, and abusing our lack of fitness and ability to pass - quite frankly tearing us apart. Final score of 16-5. 

Despite conceding 15, Andy W came away with Man of the Match. Oggy got his moment with a very nice backshot in the last quarter. The fluffer being a joint vote for TJ and Mr Finch Junior, the latter not showing himself in the best light all week mind. 

Thankfully we have an England quarter final to look forward to tonight.

Whats that, Erling Harlaand is playing for Norway.

Shit

Until next time,

Forza Narwhali