Leeches are vanquished in the latest South London Derby

El Clásico? North London Derby? The Old Firm? Palace v Brighton? No, this is the latest sporting rivalry on the block. It may be only a few years old, but it’s as fierce as they come and produces all the drama you’d expect.

It’s 20.45, Whitgift School, 23rd April 2025. The SL Leeches are ready, 9 strong, hats on, intensity in the team talk from the coach.

WT Narwhals, 4 players on poolside, no fucking idea where the rest of them are. Hats are with Zach, where is he? How many bottles of wine has Finchy pre game?

The ultras are in the house, the noise is deafening. Flares aloft, banner unfolded; “Forza Narwhali!”.

The team gathers (finally), the captains team talk. Press them hard, don’t lose your fights, stop Tim swimming. Don’t be shit. The cry goes up, “for South London, badeeeer!” The whistle goes, the battle begins.

And a battle it was. Every time the Narwhals took the lead, the Leeches punched right back, keeping them within sight. 6-6 at half time, the game finely poised.

A strong Narwhal third quarter saw them take a 11-8 lead into the last. Blows were traded in the fourth, 2 a piece, until the drama really started. With 3 minutes to go, Narwhals win a man up, time out is called. “Lads, game management. 3 goal lead, 2 minutes 30 seconds to go. Use the 20 seconds, use out 30 offensively, they cannot win this game”.

“What the fuck is game management?”. The man up was missed, the Leeches countered. Desperate defending, man down, bang, 2 goal lead. Still, 1 minute 30 to go, we have possession. Game management.

Pass back to Zach from centre, gives the ball away, Leeches like a hot knife through Narwhals butter defence. 1 goal lead, still 1.20 to go.

Narwhals attack, misc shit pass/shot, Leeches counter. Desperate defending. Penalty. Fuck.

Penalty set up, tension in the air. Ultras going wild. Whistle goes. Saved!

Narwhals attack, finally some game management with 30 seconds to go. Blue major, 15 seconds, swim the ball as far away from any of them as possible. Game over.

A 13-12 win for the Narwhals. Good battle, too close for comfort. Andy W saves the day and is carried to the Crown & Sceptre by his team mates. Geo is carried off into the night by the ultras as cries of “Geoooooooo” ring around the Whitgift grounds.

MOTM – Holah for his defending and crucial 2 goal contribution in the second half.

Moment – Andy penalty save, the most locked in moment we’ve ever had.

Fluffer – Zach for his game management…