"New year - New me" is normally a representation of a someone's personal change, not a descriptor best used for their polo ability. After showing up with a fresh and fit 10 and boosted by the return of the Lisan Al-Gaib we were feeling confident to win against our new local neighbours, the South London "Harkonnen" Leeches. Coming in with a chip on their sholders as we snubbed them the week before, the Harkonnen had managed to fanangle the scoreline to be 6-0 before we even started, before then extending it even further within a minute of the first quarter. This blindside attack seeming killed all of our reserves in the back, with the remaining spice being redirected to Ed "Duncan Idaho" Gamble & Matt "Thufir Hawat" Finch trying to restore some of the deficit. Their efforts futile however, as the Harkonnen marched on, ending the quarter with one more to make the score 2-8.
Our post quarter team talk clearly didn't work as the Harkonnen vied in for the kill, starting as they'd finished and bagging one quickly. Some small restbite from Thufir Hawat as we tried to crawl back into it bagging 2 very well taken goals in the trenches, but the Harkonnen kept coming at us and getting away with whatever we had left. One last bit of fight from Rob "Leto the 1st" Dickinson proved to be all we could contribute with the Harkonnen continuing the slaughter, only stopping at half time with the score 13-5.
The half time chat came in. No words were mentioned on the fact of "not being shit" so, shit we were. Majors slipping, words discussed, goals conceded. Leto the 1st decided it was time for a shower - taking out one of the leaders of the Harkonnen in the process, yet illegally and only temporarily. His early bath was met with complaints with "Its only chest pressure Mr Martin" while comfortably sitting ontop of him. None deterred, the Harkonnen fought more and took their chances to strike, while a Nick "Jessica Atreides" Shute decided he would show up, deciding that actually, he enjoyed scoring counter attack goals. As both teams legs wimpered, the game becoming more disjointed and the Atreides swimming harder than their little legs have ever done, they got 1 goal back on them. Quarter 3 ending 17-10. A disgruntled and depressed Atriedes trotted out for the 4th quarter only for Zach "Leto Atreides the 2nd" Finch deciding he wanted to join his grandfather in the pub, and hence, did something very silly. The Harkonnen capitalised on the dismay in the Atriedes ranks and get 3 on the bouce. 10 goals to the good, they looked like they had done the job. A few counters to make it a little more respectable, with Charles "Wellington Yueh" King-Tenison getting the pick of the bunch at the back post, before a signature Stu "Lisan al-gaib" Harwood waggle waggle waggle miss set in stone the scores, the Harkonnen getting one more for the history books. A massacre at the hands of what could only be a government setup, the remaining Atriedes resorting back to the crown & sceptre in what could be described as "less than one piece". Somehow Gary "Old Duke" Bowen and the Lisan Al-Gaib managed to get lost in portugal on the way. Man of the match has gone to RON to his excellent performance in the recent student elections, Moment going for the Lisan Al-Gaib special and occasion in general, with the Fluffer being sharned nominally by Leto the 1st & 2nd. Onto Cheam tonight, no messaih in sight, a win needed. as the Fremen would put it, Sqeuaky bum time. Forza Narwhali