Is there a World cup on? - July 2018

Despite the heroics of last night (did someone say penalties?), I had to get this match report out before the next game. With England’s shooting as bad as ours and Colombia’s defending as punchy as Eastern Otters, it feels appropriate that this stat report comes out now – not to mention the Lenki-esq refereeing from the American in charge…

June 30th Stats

Following a team sing-a-long at the social last week, we bring to an end our celebration of all things football and Narwhal related by bringing you the alternative lyrics to two more fan favourites… Please enjoy:

“Pre-Match Poo” (to the tune of Vindaloo by Fat Les)

Where on earth are you from? We’re from the Arctic Where you come from Do you put the shot clock on?

Swim off

Nah nah nah Narwhals! Nah nah nah Narwhals! Nah nah nah, nah nah nah Narwhals! Nah nah Bonjour (Narwhals!) Otters (Narwhals!)

(nah nah nah nah nah nah) Narwhals! Narwhals! Na Na!

We’re Narwhals We’re gonna score ten more than you

Narwhals! (whistle blown)

Can I ask you kindly please, To score a goal like one of these Pit one Bounce one Lob one Smash one

Smash it

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah… Narwhals! Narwhals! Narwhals! Narwhals! Na Na!

We’re Narwhals We’re gonna score ten more than you

Narwhals!

Gamble and Bedford / And Shute and Finch We’re off to Whitgift Pool Loveless and Mann and Bowen and Holah Phil did a pre match poo

F*ck it!

Pre match poo. Pre match poo. Pre match poo, pre match poo. Narwhals! (repeat)

Pre match poo, and we all love a pre match poo

We’re Narwhals We’re gonna score ten more than you

Narwhals!

Narwhals (pre match poo), Narwhals (pre match poo) and we all love a pre match poo

You know the rest… repeat forever!!

and for fun…

“The John Barnes Rap” from World in Motion (c.1990)

You’ve got to press or drop But do it at the right time Rob got a goal at last Chris Mann wants him to be fined They always hit Ogg and hurt him Dodgy defence and attack There’s only one way to beat them Swift counter attack Now Catch me if you can ‘Cause I’m Amy Wine-hands And what’s quite clear to see There is no master plan Finch made a great big save But left an open goal A Narwhal on his trunks We knew it would all go wrong

We’re singing for Narwhals (Narwhals) We’re playing our song, (Badooooooop) etc.

So basically – we beat Eastern Otter 18-8. it was a punchy affair but we won through. A nice distribution of goals and majors and a relatively good performance. Man of the Match was shared by Nick and Phil, whilst Moment of the Match was shared by Nick, Oggy and Weeble (2 votes each). Fluffer this week was shared by Woody (for not passing to Chris Mann and missing a “few” shots) and Finch Snr (for saving a 1v1 only to then flick the ball to an opposition player leaving an open net). Finch Jnr failed to vote so could have broken the deadlock…

Maddies were collected by Zac, Stef, Charles K-T and Andy W. A delightful four man trip to the Algarve.

Sutton tonight – up the Narwhals!! Baaaddooooooooooppppp!!